Wheelchair’s Alternative Boxing Awards (Or In Keeping With Silly Initials, WABA) 2009
It’s been a hectic year, and it is now time to award the most prestigious awards ever invented to the most exceptional people in the boxing world. Forget title belts, these are the awards fighters really want to win!
In honour of the old style of fifteen round title fights, there are fifteen awards to be given, and without further ado, here goes………
The Frank Bruno Exceptional Stamina Award:- Jermain Taylor, a double award for his resolute efforts against Abraham and Froch.
The Pick On Someone Your Own Size Award:– Floyd Mayweather Jr, for his win over Juan M. Marquez.
The Wakey-Wakey You’re Running Late Award:- Carl Froch, for his last ditch win over Taylor.
The Amir Khan Amazing Punch Resistance Award:– Dimitry Salita, for incredible resistance under fire from Amir Khan.
The Fwank Incredible Crap Talking Award:- Paulie Malignaggi, for insisting he’d beat up Hatton in a rematch.
The Kevin ‘Kingpin’ Johnson sh*t Your Pants Award:- Andre Dirrell, for his courage and bravery in his fight with Carl Froch.
The Johnny ‘The Entertainer’ Nelson Inappropriate Nickname Award:– Audley ‘A Force’ Harrison. What the hell does the ‘A’ stand for anyway? Anus? Arse? Is Audley referring to the forcible stench of poo when he’s in a fight?
The I’ve Got A Sicknote From My Mummy ‘Cos I’m Really Sick Award:- Kelly Pavlik, for pulling out of fighting Paul Williams and fighting an easier opponent.
The Ali Shuffle Award:- Nikolai Valuev, for his beautifully choreographed and well timed tap dance in the last round against Haye.
The Roberto Duran Out Like A Light Award:- Ricky Hatton, for his spectactular KO defeat to Manny Pacquiao. Fortunantly he was fine afterward.
The Phaintin’ Phil Scott Cheating Scumbucket Award:- Antonio Margarito, for his attempted handwraps against Shane Mosley.
The Joe Bugner Services To A Cure For Insomnia Award:- Wladimir Klitschko, for boring the pants off fight fans everywhere with his soporific fighting style.
The Where The Hell Are My Glasses Judging Award:- Terry O’Connor, for his unbelievable scoring of the McDermott-Fury fight.
The Michael Buffer MC With Charisma Award:- A joint win for Mark ‘The Boring Baldie’ Burdiss and Thomas ‘My Head’s Been Inflated And Is About To Burst’ Treiber.
The Bermuda Triangle Of Boxing Mystery Award:- John Ruiz, just how the hell is he the WBA’s number one contender? Again!?!?
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