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J Golden’s Boxing Limericks

Some of my mad limericks…….

Here’s a new one for the big fight tomorrow……..


The fight takes place today,

Between Ruiz and David Haye.

When Haye chins Ruiz,

He’ll collapse to his knees,

And the crowd will scream ‘Hooray’!


Audley Harrison….. 

There was once a bum named Aud, 

Who fought like an old lady called Maud. 

He’d get in the ring, 

And weak punches he’d fling, 

So everyone called him a fraud! 


Amir Khan….. 

There was a young lad named Amir, 

From hard fights away he would steer. 

He got hit on the chin, 

Went down in a spin, 

And now he’s quaking with fear! 



There was an old git called Frank, 

Who’s promotions they were utter wank. 

He’d put on a fight, 

That’d turn out to be shite, 

Good God I’d like to give him a spank! 


Jim Watt….. 

There was a commentator called Watt, 

Who was known for talking a lot. 

He’d spout all his stuff, 

And his way try to bluff, 

But all he would say was just rot! 



There was a fighter named Clay, 

Who’d do everything he’d say. 

He’d predict fight after fight, 

And get them all right, 

Anyone he fought, he’d slay! 



There was a bloke named Hatton, 

Who was also known as Vicki Fatton. 

He’d eat plate after plate, 

Then put on masses of weight, 

And Witter’s a fighter he’d spat on!



There was a guy called Maccarinelli, 

Who’s arse was curiously smelly. 

He’d train hard with the guys, 

They’d give him black eyes, 

And he’d end up flat on his belly! 


Bomber Graham….. 

There was once a guy called Herol, 

No, not Cheryl, Beryl or Merryl. 

He was so hard to hit, 

He’d made your efforts look sh*t, 

You only took him on at your peril! 


Pernell Whitaker….. 

There was once a guy called Pernell, 

Who used to fight terribly well. 

Chavez got a draw, 

That made the crowd roar, 

The judge’s cards really did smell! 


Riddick Bowe….. 

There was a fighter named Bowe, 

Who would like to eat on the go. 

He discarded his belt, 

And it was then felt, 

That Lennox would’ve won by KO! 



There was an old fighter named George, 

Who on loads of food would gorge. 

He came back to the ring, 

A right hand he did fling, 

And a great career he did forge! 


An ode to John Ruiz…… 

There was a bloke who did fight, 

He thought he was the best alright. 

His name was John, 

But it was all a big con, 

In reality he was totally shite! 


Wladimir Klitschko…….. 

There was a fighter called Wlad, 

And his chin was terribly bad. 

There soon came the day, 

When he was hit by Haye, 

His defeat made us all very glad! 

Enzo Calzaghe……… 

There was once a Welsh training git, 

Who spoke nothing but total sh*t. 

His name was Enzo, 

On and on he would go, 

He’s a person we’d all like to hit! 

Alan Minter…… 

There was a fighter named Minter, 

Who loved to fight in mid-winter. 

He won the world belt, 

And made plenty of gelt, 

And now he’s a car window tinter! 

Nigel Benn….. 

There was a bloke named Benn, 

Who KO’d plenty of tough men. 

Hard shots he’d fling 

Hit guys clean out of the ring, 

Or make the ref count up to ten! 



There was a guy named Sugar Ray, 

Who dance in the ring all day. 

He’d box real smart, 

And show lots of heart, 

Winning multiple titles on the way! 


And blowing my own trumpet…… 

There was a bloke called Wheelchair, 

Who was unfortunantly losing his hair. 

He found this great site, 

And articles would write, 

His utterances were beyond all compare!