Home Boxing News Why Audley Harrison Is The Man To Clean Up The Heavyweight Division!

Why Audley Harrison Is The Man To Clean Up The Heavyweight Division!

Forget David Haye and his rather tarnished and shopworn WBA belt, or any of the American heavyweights on the scene, Audley Harrison is THE man to step up and unify the titles in 2010.

Remember Harrison is a former WBF belt holder, and he was never defeated for that title, he knows the pressure of winning and defending a world title belt. 

He’s a devastating puncher and a southpaw to boot, remember his amazing KO win in the prizefighter final? No way Haye or the the Klitschko brothers stand up to that kind of firepower. Remember Haye is just a beefed up cruiser with a stamina problem and Wlad Klitchsko has a jaw fashioned from purest porcelain. Vitali has never been hit the way Audley will hit him, the bombs will fly fast and furious from that sneaky southpaw stance of Harrison’s.

Yes Audley has lost in the past, but who hasn’t. Knowing Audley as I do, I can give you an insight into why those losses took place and how it all fits into his master plan to be the greastest heavyweight champion since Ali. (Who lets face it was slow and clumsy compared to Audley and way way way overrated by many)

The loss to Williams was intentional to set up a remtch in which Harrison scored one of boxing’s most devastating KO’s. The Guinn loss was simply due to fighting with both hand badly fractured and Audley just couldn’t let his punches go.

Now you may remember Harrison losing by KO to Michael Sprott, but there’s more to it than that. If you watch the tape Harrison slips just as Sprott throws his punch. This means that the weight of Sprott’s punch was diminished, and Audley was so unlucky as when he slipped he landed headfirst on a hammer that was left mistakenly beneath the canvas by the people constructing the ring. So of course he’s going to be out for a while. Sprott continues to refuse the rematch though, he knows Audley will spark him next time. Afterall he had Sprott on the verge of a KO in the first round of their fight.

The loss to Martin Rogan was due to the incompetence of the referee who just forgot which fighter was which and raised the wrong boxer’s arm at the end of the fight. Harrison is very unlucky at times but he will come good.

Remember he beat not one but TWO unbeaten fighters in the prizefighter tournament, I don’t recall Haye or the Klitschko’s winning three fights in one night.

Mark my words, now that Audley has lulled the heavyweight champions into a false sense of security they will take him lightly. He’s cunningly made it look as if he can’t take a punch, but wait until Haye, Wlad or Vitali land. They will be amazed at his phenomenal punch resistance, possibly the best in boxing history.

If Haye can beat Ruiz, and it’s a big if, he has to face Audley, but the word on the street is he’s running scared. Personally I think Harrison will face Ruiz for the belt as Haye will be KO’d by Ruiz in around three rounds.

Then its onto the old Klitschko’s whom Audley will make look silly with his beautiful silky smooth Sugar Ray type boxing skills. They just wont know what’s hits them as the southpaw batters them from all angles.

Once he’s done as I predict Audley will hold six belts, WBA, WBO, IBF, IBO, WBC and the Ring belts. No fighter in history has achieved that feat, making Harrison a candidate for the Greatest Of All Time debate.

**Secret Fraudley Update**

You may have heard the stories of Wlad and Vitali fighting each other to decide who the best Heavyweight is. Well it’s true, and I have the lowdown on what’s going to happen.

It’s been agreed between the two brothers that the winner will face Audley, and frankly they’re both worried. As you know the two Klitschko brothers are very close, they wouldn’t want to see the other harmed in any way. Neither of them wants the other to win their fight, this being due to the savage beating the winner will receive from Harrison, who many think is the most intimidating fighter ever. In a recent boxing poll, Audley was ranked above Sonny Liston in the intimidation stakes, infact he makes Sonny look like a backward choirboy when it comes to aggression.

So the plan is that the two Klitschko’s will face off and both land stunning looking (but light) punches to each other’s chin, rendering them both out for the count. Of course even a light punch landing on Wladimir’s chin will mean he’ll be out for quite a while so Vitali will pretend to be knocked out for the same length of time, so as not to be declared the winner. Very careful planning is needed in this regard as it’s been rumoured that Wladimir has been brutally KO’d in pillow fights as a youngster!

This will initially mean the fight being declared a draw, but the outcry at the farce will force the governing bodies to ban them both for life and strip them of the titles. This will leave both brothers intact and will clear the way for Audley to ascend to the throne he’s been destined for ever since he punched his way out of his mother’s womb.

The British megafight between Harrison and Haye is not to take place either. David’s trainer Adam Booth has been seen contacting amputation specialists in order to come up with a face-saving plan to avoid Haye being massacred by Audley.

Booth apparently has a tentative agreement in place for Haye to lose both hands in a car accident, but this is just a ruse. David will stage-manage a Tiger Woods style car crash and be rushed off to a foreign amputation clinic who will sever his hands and freeze them cryogenically. Once the fight has been formally cancelled and the vicious beating that he would have received by Audley avoided, Haye’s hands will be reattached to his arms and all will be well.
Attempts to get Booth to talk about the plan openly will come to nought, every time Audley’s name is mentioned, Booth has to rush off to the little boy’s room due to a massive attack of the ‘two bob bits’, like he’s drunk too much ‘Hat-Lax’. That Harrison is bloody scary you know!

Mark my words, the coming decade belongs to Audley, but there is one problem. Due to the sheer ferocious, sh*t-scary and intimidating nature of facing Harrison in the ring, there won’t be anyone willing to challenge him for the crown. This will lead to Harrison having the longest and least-taxing reign of any heavyweight in history, and make boring viewing for us poor boxing fans.

The situation is unlikely to get better with the passing years as even the Grim Reaper has been supposedly trying to find a way to break his scythe, due to Audley putting the frighteners on him!